Releasing it all....
Its been a trying week.
Two weeks ago I stood in church, my dearest hubby by my side, and I knew the week ahead was going to be a challenge. As the music played and we sang songs of worship, I began to weep. Now, you must know, I'm not a big time weeper...except for that final broadcast thing...but there I stood, tears streaming down my cheeks. The next day I was going to announce, on air, that I was leaving the microphone. Within a few days, my precious husband would be traveling around the world to follow a dream that God had given him. As I stood there, unable to sing, giving my sacrifice of willingness...of the release of so many things I hold dear...I realized, I was releasing elements of my core, my identity... to a greater plan.
I asked myself, "Do I trust Him?" My answer? An aching, "yes"
A few times this week I thought of that decision to release and to trust...reminded myself..."I have released this"...
Yesterday I received news about a friend in Florida. Last year we shared a precious time together. Our families traveled throughout China together and we were present when each received their new children for adoption. Yesterday this beautiful, young, mom of 5 told me she has breast cancer. They've caught it early, her prognosis is good and she has many intercessing for her.
I can't get her out of my mind, or her children, or her dear husband.
So as I sit here and muse about life, my friend's situation reminds me that all of life is about releasing and trusting.
Gathering up and holding tight to all of my blessings will only serve to strangle the life giving sustanence from them.
Control is an illusion. And for me...that's a bummer...'cause I want to be in control...always.
Whether we long to be masters over our money, children, relationships or our health...that striving for mastery is folly. Surely we can do what we can and we should be judicious with all these things. But ultimately, no one can control these things. Those who operate under the illusion of control will undoubtedly feel the sting of cosmic correction at some time in their life.
I resolve to, as best I am able, to release that desperate clutching compulsion for control into the hands of Him who is greater.
Is the heart of the skeptic, the unbeliever, plagued with fear to release? Here I know Him...and still I wrestle the fear.
Yet, I know the peace that passes all understanding. I trust Him with all these core issues; my identity...the safety of those I adore...and the mortality of those who face affliction.
Reminding myself of this...now I feel ready for slumber...
Two weeks ago I stood in church, my dearest hubby by my side, and I knew the week ahead was going to be a challenge. As the music played and we sang songs of worship, I began to weep. Now, you must know, I'm not a big time weeper...except for that final broadcast thing...but there I stood, tears streaming down my cheeks. The next day I was going to announce, on air, that I was leaving the microphone. Within a few days, my precious husband would be traveling around the world to follow a dream that God had given him. As I stood there, unable to sing, giving my sacrifice of willingness...of the release of so many things I hold dear...I realized, I was releasing elements of my core, my identity... to a greater plan.
I asked myself, "Do I trust Him?" My answer? An aching, "yes"
A few times this week I thought of that decision to release and to trust...reminded myself..."I have released this"...
Yesterday I received news about a friend in Florida. Last year we shared a precious time together. Our families traveled throughout China together and we were present when each received their new children for adoption. Yesterday this beautiful, young, mom of 5 told me she has breast cancer. They've caught it early, her prognosis is good and she has many intercessing for her.
I can't get her out of my mind, or her children, or her dear husband.
So as I sit here and muse about life, my friend's situation reminds me that all of life is about releasing and trusting.
Gathering up and holding tight to all of my blessings will only serve to strangle the life giving sustanence from them.
Control is an illusion. And for me...that's a bummer...'cause I want to be in control...always.
Whether we long to be masters over our money, children, relationships or our health...that striving for mastery is folly. Surely we can do what we can and we should be judicious with all these things. But ultimately, no one can control these things. Those who operate under the illusion of control will undoubtedly feel the sting of cosmic correction at some time in their life.
I resolve to, as best I am able, to release that desperate clutching compulsion for control into the hands of Him who is greater.
Is the heart of the skeptic, the unbeliever, plagued with fear to release? Here I know Him...and still I wrestle the fear.
Yet, I know the peace that passes all understanding. I trust Him with all these core issues; my identity...the safety of those I adore...and the mortality of those who face affliction.
Reminding myself of this...now I feel ready for slumber...
posted by The "H" Family @ 11:25 PM
3 Comments:
At 7:10 PM,
Anonymous said…
Control is an illusion.
Amen Sister. It is most certaily an illusion. In fact, I think that the more control we think we have, probably the less that we actually do have.
Funny, from the moment that I accepted Christ into my heart, I wept for days ... releasing all of the bad, crying for all of the unappreciated good. Release is a wonderful thing.
Enjoy your night with your precious husband ... :)
At 9:30 PM,
Anonymous said…
You..Amanda..have blessed and influenced me over many years. There is not the slightest doubt in my mind that when you sit down at the end of 2007..you will be overwhelmed (maybe more tears!) with the realization that God's plans for you were so different than what you'd expected...but that they are right and good. HE IS RIGHT AND HE IS GOOD! Thank you for sharing your journey,Amanda. There is almost nothing more powerful to me than personal testimony!
You Shine!
At 11:35 AM,
Anonymous said…
One of my favorite scriptures is Romans 8:15
For we have not received the spirit of fear again unto bondage, but the spirit of adoption whereby we cry , Abba Father.
Fear is the absence of faith. Without faith it is impossible to please God.
No matter what I am going through, I turn to these scriptures.
God is always in control and that is comforting...sometimes frustrating..but comforting.
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